Sweet Spots

With experience come some rewards: A Colorado mine operator found that the combination on his office safe had jammed. He called the nearby state prison and asked whether any of the inmates might know how to open it. In a short while, a convict and a prison guard showed up…

A bass who couldn’t sing refused to quit the church choir despite hints that he serve in other capacities. Finally the choir director demanded that the pastor get rid of him. “If you don’t, I’m going to resign and so will the other choir members,” the director said. “His wrong…

The task of the sermon, said Augustine, is threefold:  tenere, docere, and flectere. Tenere is to hold the attention and awaken the imagination. Docere is to teach and instruct. Flectere is to persuade, convict, and incline the will.  

Three men were trying to come up with a definition of “success.” Said the first man, “I would consider myself successful if I could have a private, personal conversation with the President of the  United States in the White House Oval Office.” The second man said, “I would consider myself…

Sometimes our attempts to discipline our kids can backfire. One mother was so fed up with her teenage son’s slovenliness and slobbery that she imposed a dollar fine on every dropped book, clothing, towel, etc. If she had to pick it up, he owed her a dollar and at the…

There is an old, beautiful Irish story of a priest and an old man walking together along a country road in Ireland. A storm came up suddenly and they took cover in an old barn where they remained warm and dry. As he sat on an old pile of hay,…

A woman looked out her living room one morning and was amazed to discover a dead mule on her lawn. She called the sanitation department and asked them to remove the carcass. But by the time the work-crew arrived, she had changed her mind. She gave the men $100 each,…

My favorite way of taking the offering as a pastor was the following: “The Bible says ‘God loveth a cheerful giver.’ But God accepteth from a grouch. So in whatever spirit you give, the offering will now be received.”   But the introduction to an offering I remember the most was…

Back in the days when circuses traveled to cities, a circus strong man offered a reward to anyone in the town who could extract more from a lemon that he had squeezed dry. A small, frail-looking man accepted the challenge and, after great exertion, got one more drop of juice…

Preacher to keyboardist/organist: “When I am finished with my sermon this morning, I’ll ask those who want to contribute to our capital campaign to stand. In the meantime you play appropriate music.” Organist/keyboardist: “What appropriate music?” Preacher: “How about ‘The Star Spangled Banner.’”